Withheld

Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness...if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach -James 1:2,5

This morning as I read a bit of James I started to think back on the "trials of various kinds" I've encountered in my life. I was amazed thinking back and realized how much the Lord has done not only to grow my faith, but to bless me through them. Especially the ones where I prayed for something I never received or received from the Lord but not quite in the way I had asked.

Oh, the wisdom and sovereignty of God! How often he has "withheld" things from me for my good! Who could count the number of times God has protected me from my own will and desires!

For starters, and also by far the biggest blessing of my life, He did not let me marry my high school sweetheart. He ended that relationship and gave me a new one: with His Son Jesus Christ. He took my idol away but in return, He gave me all things! What a trade!

Nursing school was probably the hardest 2 & a half years of my life. I prayed hard for peace about being a nurse and being in nursing school. I didn't get that peace the whole time I was in school. He made it very clear that that is where I was supposed to be, but He never gave me peace to know that I would actually finish. But because of my silly fears, I leaned hard on Him. My fear of my next clinical and my future job humbled me and drove me to the cross where I found peace for my soul in learning to put Christ before all other things in my life. I ended up making it through nursing school with good grades. As soon as I got my job in Labor & Delivery I had a major peace about being a nurse. With the best job ever.

I went to nursing school largely because I wanted to be a missionary and do medical work in some other country where people needed medical care . "Send me, Lord, ANYWHERE but here." I planned on leaving the country the semester after I became an RN. I just figured the Lord would be able to sanctify me better if I gave up all the luxuries of being an American with air-conditioning. I began praying about where God would have me go outside the US, and He said, "You're staying here."

And He immediately went to work on my biggest fear in life besides nursing school: marriage. He withheld what I thought would be the ultimate sanctification route (ie living in the bush of Africa or in the jungle in Cambodia) and instead was kind enough to have a gentler plan for me- by dissipating my fears of marriage by giving me a biblical understanding of it then giving me a godly man to marry! Ryan-He is my most wonderful earthly blessing the Lord has given me! Maybe marriage its a slower process than suffering, but I am learning that God does things His way and that is that.

God may have "withheld" a few things from me so far in my lifetime, but I'm sure glad He did (not that He owed me anything to begin with). What a wonderful, loving, and wise God! "His rod and staff they comfort me!" I don't know if God will answer my prayers for the future in the way that I think it should go, but I am learning something:

All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and His testimonies. -Psalm 25:10

He doesn't always give us what we want, but He always gives us what is best.

And I'm trying real hard to keep Garth Brooks' "Unanswered Prayers" outta my head! haha.